Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
