Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
