I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
