My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
