Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
