tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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