I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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