i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
