no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
