You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
