I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
