ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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