I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
