Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
