When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
