So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
