Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
