i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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