It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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