he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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