Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
