Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
