idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
