we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
