my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
