Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
