i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
