btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
