I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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