I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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