She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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