the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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