Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
