you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
sarcasm needs its own font
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
