Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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