HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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