A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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