you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
this beer tastes like vomit already
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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