Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
