I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
