capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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