I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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