You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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