I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
