I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
