i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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