You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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