So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
