I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
