why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
