He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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