i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
