could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You ate ashes out of my bong
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
