I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
