do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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