dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
