Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
cat food counts as protein by the way
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
