TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Drake has all the answers
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
