you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
